


Bone structure of a metropolis

by Ischa



Series: Cities [3]
Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Genre: Canon Related, F/M, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-19
Updated: 2013-07-19
Packaged: 2017-12-20 17:19:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/889835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ischa/pseuds/Ischa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John knocks at Bruce's door: the rest, as they say, is history. </p><p>
  <i>John shrugs. “When I saw you, I knew who you were.”</i>
  <br/>
  <i>“So, pretty much since you were fifteen,” Wayne says.</i>
  <br/>
  <i>John nods. It's so Wayne to not forget or omit the fact hat John had been fifteen when they first met. That he had been fifteen when John fucked him for the first time.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bone structure of a metropolis

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last part of the Cities series. I did mention it was always intended as a trilogy. I bet most of you thought I would never finish and post this conclusion...  
> Can probably be read on its own, but will make much more sense with the rest of the cities series.  
> Trusted beta for this verse: omletlove. <3

~One~  
John doesn't feel nervous as he knocks on the front door. He hasn't been here in years, but he still knows his way around the grounds of the manor. He's older now, he has a history; he has loved, he has lost, he has his own money and- 

“I need to see Bruce Wayne.”

“I'm sorry Mister Wayne doesn't take unscheduled calls even from a police officer,” Alfred says and he looks still the same, John thinks. John doesn't so he doesn't blame Alfred for not recognising him. He had been a kid back then. And nothing about his appearance had been memorable. 

“And if I get a warrant and start asking questions about how Harvey Dent really died?” John asks. He doesn't intend to do that, but he is sure this is his ticket in.  
Alfred examines him and then nods and lets him in.  
One step closer, John thinks. 

~+~  
Wayne is waiting for him in one of the rooms downstairs. He looks broken, John thinks. But then eight years in solitude could do that to a person, especially a person like Wayne. It's not even that he's missed a lot of fancy parties (John is pretty sure Wayne never really cared for those), but the fact that he couldn't be Batman anymore. Wayne has been hiding here, buried himself and the person he really is in this house that feels like a mausoleum.

“What can I do for you, Officer?”

“Commissioner Gordon has been shot,” John answers. He tells Wayne all about Bane and what Gordon thinks he saw in the sewers. “He needs you,” he says and after a small pause: “He needs the Batman.” It's all or nothing now. John doesn't have time to play around. The City doesn't have time for them to play around.

Wayne looks at him without betraying anything. “If Commissioner Gordon thinks-”

“Oh he doesn't care who you are,” John interrupts. “But we've met before.” he bites his lip. He has no idea if Wayne even remembers that one weekend, that one weekend John can't forget; no matter how hard he tries.

Wayne turns to look at him, really look, and John holds still. Lets him study John's face, feels Wayne's eyes linger on his lips.   
“John,” he says. It is a bit of a question too.

John nods. “Didn't think you would remember. I was-” he swallows it down. It wouldn't do anyone any good to remind Wayne that John had just been shy of sixteen when they first fucked. Wayne knows that. Knows he was John's first too.

“I couldn't possibly forget that weekend,” Wayne admits quietly. His voice sounds pained, but John can't be sure if it's guilt or something else entirely. Something only Wayne could feel over this. Wayne with his morals and his restrictions on himself.

“I sometimes wondered if you would come back for me,” John says.  
Wayne shakes his head like he knows it's a lie, but it's not. Not a real one at least. John did wonder, but he had also known that Wayne wouldn't come for him.  
“And now you come for me,” Wayne says.

“Yes,” John replies, because he isn't here to dwell on things past. He is here because shit is going down and the city needs Batman. His own feelings don't matter now. Never really did, in the long run. “There is nothing we can do. There is a lot the Batman can.”

Wayne nods. “How long have you known?”

“A while,” John says.

“A while?” There is a smile in Wayne's voice.

John shrugs. “When I saw you, I knew who you were.”

“So, pretty much since you were fifteen,” Wayne says.

John nods. It's so Wayne to not forget or omit the fact hat John had been fifteen when they first met. That he had been fifteen when John fucked him for the first time. The only time. John wished for a long time that Wayne had taken him. Wished for Wayne to be his first everything.  
“Yeah.”

“Was it why you wanted me?” Wayne asks.

John doesn't get it for a too long second. “No,” he says when he does. “No, I didn't want you because you were Batman, or because I thought I owed you something, that the city does. I wanted you because I wanted you. It didn't matter that you were Batman, are Batman.” John looks him in the eyes. “You were kind and you weren't afraid of me and you wanted me. You have no idea what a turn on it was to know that you wanted me even though you knew it was wrong to want me.”

“I was afraid John,” Wayne replies and John remembers this. Remembers it like it was only yesterday.

John smiles, getting up. “Try and keep the damage to a minimum out there, okay? The police is out to get you.”  
Wayne nods.  
   
~+~  
That went better than he thought it would. John gets in the car and takes a deep breath. He had thought he was over it, but it seems it's true what they say: you never forget your first. And now he went and got Wayne to be Batman again, to put himself out there again, to get himself killed, probably.  
He wonders what the hell is wrong with him. What is wrong with Bruce Wayne.  
But then the answer to these questions is pretty obvious: growing up in Gotham messes you up. And they do what they do, because they don't want other kids to end up like them.  
 

~Two~  
John has no idea what to expect from the whole thing, but being ambushed by Wayne is really, really out there.

“You could've called,” John say, a bit breathlessly.

“I don't have your number, John,” Wayne replies.

John gives him a look. “I'm sure you could have figured it out.” 

Wayne smiles, a barely there smile. John missed his smile, up close and personal and directed at him. “I have no idea what you're talking about, Mister Blake. I'm just a brainless socialite.”

“Right. I forgot,” John smiles back. “Shouldn't you be socializing then?”

“I am.”

“Oh no, you're scandalizing,” John replies.

“I'm sure they'll love me more for it,” Wayne says.

John bites his lip and Wayne's gaze falls on John's mouth. He can feel it hot and prickling. He wants to grab Wayne by the jacket and kiss him senseless, but he's working. They both are. John is sure of that. He wonders for a brief moment if this is just part of Wayne being undercover (long term as it is). He's not going to ask Wayne if he wants to get out of here.

“Blake!” someone says and John turns, just realizing that Wayne and he are standing way too close for people who don't know each other at all. And that is what everyone else thinks. Has to think.

“Find me later,” Wayne whispers in his ear and then backs off smoothly.  
John makes himself not look at his back.  
   
~+~  
John hadn't been sure if Wayne would still find him attractive, would still want him –like this.Not that he thinks Wayne is into young boys as a rule, but maybe that weekend had been just a one-time thing, temporary insanity. It seems he didn’t need to worry about it. Wayne is still into him and John doesn’t think there will ever be a day he isn’t into Wayne.  
He wonders nevertheless if it is a good idea to find Wayne later, but he knows he will do it anyway. Just to see what he wants, just to know for sure.  
After all this could’ve all been an act.

“Saw you with Wayne,” Ross says as they’re standing at the buffet.

“And?” John asks.

“He looked friendly.” There is a grin in Ross' voice. John knows Ross doesn’t care about John’s sexuality or anyone’s else for that matter, but he isn’t going to declare that he wants to fuck Wayne badly either.

“He’s a friendly guy,” John replies smoothly.

“Just don’t end up on page six, okay?” Ross says dumping one of the hors-d'œuvre on John’s plate. John gives him a look. “You need to keep up your strength,” Ross adds.  
John can’t help it he grins.  
   
~+~  
Wayne’s car is slick and black and for once Alfred isn’t behind the wheel.  
“Care for a ride?” he asks as he stops beside John on the sidewalk.

“I am capable of getting home by myself; besides my mother warned me about getting into cars with strange men.”

“Don’t be like that, John,” Bruce flirts. They’re alone on the street, but Wayne is still wearing the mask he prefers in polite company. John is everything but polite company.

“Let’s play a game,” he says stopping and Bruce’s car stops too.

“Fine.”

“Pretend I’m a hooker,” John replies. He can pull it off because he’s sold his body to countless men when he was younger, before Selina, before he cleaned up his act.

“John-“

“If you’re pretending to be Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire, I am going to pretend to be an underage hooker,” John interrupts.

“Get in the car John,” Wayne says and is voice is different. Real.

John smiles. “Now we’re talking.”

~+~  
The manor is still dusty and way too big and empty for one person, but there are a few signs of life here too now. It’s a bit like watching a magnificent beast wake up.

“I’ve been thinking about you,” Wayne says.

“Yeah? Since when?” John asks. Suddenly he needs to know. And this is more important than the other question: How? How did you think about me?

“Since you left that Monday.”

“I was hoping you would call for me again. I was hoping you would send Alfred to get me and all my things – for a while at least. Even if I knew you wouldn’t.”

“I couldn’t trust myself with you.”

“I wouldn’t have denied you a thing after that night in the library,” John whispers.

“And that was the dangerous part, John,” Wayne replies.

“I’m not a kid anymore. I can hold my own. I –“

“I can still pin you down and and take you, John. I am a dangerous man,” Wayne says.

John laughs. “What do you think I’ve been doing since I left here? Since I left the orphanage?” He asks, shrugging Wayne’s hand away. “I left and was a pretty thing with no money and no skills, except for my French –“

“John,” Bruce warns, but John ignores it. Wayne could’ve kept on eye on John, but he chose not to. It hurts, but only a little, because John knows why Wayne didn’t.

“Ah, you’re not allowed to interrupt,”  John continues. “I worked the odd job here and there, but it really wasn’t enough and then I kind of fell into the whole teenage hooker thing. That is the person I am,” he looks at Wayne then. Willing him to see John, not some boy he touched once a long time ago.

“And now you’re a cop,” Wayne says.

John smiles, shaking his head. “Trust you to find this part the interesting one.”

“Why did you become a cop, John?” Wayne asks, something in his voice. Something dark and syrupy: promising.

“Don’t you know?” John answers. After all it all comes back to Wayne, to Batman, to Bruce.  
Wayne kisses him as a way of answering that question.  
   
~+~  
It’s different this time, because John knows what he’s doing. He’s been thinking about sucking Wayne’s dick for years now and if this should be his only chance, he’s going to make it the best blowjob he can make it, maybe even the best Wayne’s ever had.  
John’s good at this not only because he’s had practice, but also because he likes doing it.  
He runs his hands over Bruce’s thighs and looks up at him from between Bruce’s legs. “

“You have no idea how many times I’ve come just thinking about this,” he whispers. John knows that Bruce hasn’t thought about this at all, that he has forbidden himself even this small pleasure. “Since that first taste I had of you-“  
Bruce’s hand grabs his neck and he yanks John a bit closer. John doesn’t lose his balance; he goes with it instead, his fingers running up Bruce’s legs and meet at the fly of his expensive dress-pants. “You know,” he says as he opens Bruce’s pants, “back then I wanted you to take me, I wanted you to be my first.”

“I was,” Bruce replies, looking at John, his gaze never wavering.

John smiles. “Yes, yes, you were.” John hasn’t fucked many men after Bruce, because it always felt kind of wrong, not enough, something has been missing.  
He let a few fuck him – not for money – and that has always been okay, but a part of him had been wondering, couldn’t stop wondering, how it would be to look up at Bruce with his legs draped around Bruce’s waist and Bruce’s cock deep inside John.  
He leans in then, taking Bruce’s dick out of his shorts and licking gently. Bruce’s fingers tighten a fraction around his neck and John does it again. He plays, pretends to be that kid from all those years ago for a little while. His licks, sucks and kisses unsure and hesitant. 

“John,” Bruce says, his voice breathy, “I don’t want to relive the past.”

John smiles and takes Bruce’s cock in as far as he can manage: watches Bruce watching him, hums just for the hell of it and maybe to show his own pleasure. John doesn’t let up until Bruce comes in his mouth. He isn’t fond of the taste, but tonight he wants everything he can get and Bruce sure as hell keeps himself healthy. It's the safest unprotected sex John could ever have.  
He leans his head on Bruce’s leg and breathes with his eyes closed. Enjoying the heat and Bruce’s fingers curled possessively around his neck. “Let me stay the night?” he whispers against Bruce’s spent dick and feels him shudder a bit.

“Yes,” Bruce answers.

 ~+~  
“Master Bruce,” Alfred says and then, after a short pause, “Master John.”

“Good morning Alfred,” Bruce replies, like it’s no big deal to find him naked with some boy he used to know. Maybe it isn’t such a shock to Alfred after all; John is sure women used to walk in and out of the manor. Maybe even men.

“Coffee, Sirs?”

“Yes, thank you, Alfred.”

“Will Master John stay for breakfast?” Alfred asks.

John would love to stay for breakfast. “I don’t drink coffee, so-“

“I remember your exquisite taste in tea, Master John. I will brew you a cup and an English muffin?” 

John loves everything Alfred bakes. “Yes, please,” he answers.  
Alfred smiles and leaves the bedroom.  
“I need a shower,” John says.

“Through the door,” Bruce answers, giving him a look, and as John gets up Bruce grabs his wrist. John doesn’t look at him. “John,” Bruce says and then just stops. John waits.

“I know that the timing is more than fucked up,” John says eventually, still not looking at Bruce. Bruce is running circles with his thumb on John’s wrist. “But we could die, if everything you told me about Bane is true, and I have no reason to doubt you.”

“So you took what you wanted,” Bruce replies.

“We did. Don’t try to pin this on me alone. You wanted to fuck me from the first moment you saw me at that party-“

“From the moment you stepped into the manor,” Wayne interrupts.

John laughs. “Fine, so we did and we’re grownups and maybe when this is over…” he trails off.

“Maybe,” Bruce replies and lets go of John’s wrist.  
   
~+~  
Bruce is gone when John comes out of the shower. He puts on last night’s clothes, takes the mug of tea and his English muffin, and wanders down to the kitchen.  

“I feel like one of his random hook-ups,” John says as he sits down at the kitchen table.

“I assure you, you are not,” Alfred replies, setting another English muffin in front of John.

“Think I need my strength for what is going to come?” John smiles.

Alfred doesn’t smile back. “I think we all do.” 

 

~Three~  
John's learned a lot from Kyle to survive the Occupation. He knows more about this city than anyone else, except maybe Batman, because Batman has been stalking the back-alleys longer than John or Kyle. The stuff he didn't learn from Kyle the academy thought him. All in all, he thinks he and Kyle are better prepared than most of his colleagues. Or anyone else really.   
Except again- Batman, but he isn’t here.  
God only knows if he’s still alive. Bruce Wayne pulled that coming back trick once before, so John keeps hoping for a miracle.   
   
~+~  
It's funny, he thinks how their lives are so entangled. Kyle and Wayne, he and Wayne, Kyle and he.  
He sees her just as she spots him. She ducks into an alley and he follows. The winter hit Gotham hard, but she still looks stunning.  
Must be nice to be one of the bad guys, he thinks a bit meanly. But he knows she only does what she needs to survive. 

“Fancy meeting you here,” she says.

He looks at her. “I thought you'd left the city.”

“You put me in prison John,” she hisses.

It wasn’t John’s call and she has to know that. “I only wanted to find Wayne.”

“Funny how-“ she stops. “You knew. All the time you knew he was Batman,” she says.

He nods. What would lying to her now accomplish? And he needs all the allies he can get, shady or not. “We met before.”

“Fuck,” she says. “Fuck, John,” and there is an emphasis on his name. John doesn’t doubt that she knows Wayne is the one for him,just as he knows that if anyone at all could be the one for her it would be Wayne.

“I wonder, would’ve you betrayed him if you knew Batman was Wayne? Is Wayne,” John asks.

“I don’t know. I wish I could say no, but you know me, I don’t care for people. I don’t get attached.”

“You cared for me,” John says.

“I left you without a backward glance,” she replies.

“You left me with money and a cleanish slate, Selina,” he says. 

“Don’t do that,” she hisses. “We aren’t friends, we aren’t anything at all. I left you, I betrayed Batman. I sold Wayne’s fingerprints. That’s the kind of person I am.”

“You leave food at the orphanage,” John says. “That’s the kind of person you are.” She leaves food at all the orphanages when she can, but mostly at his.

She gives him a look. “You need to stop believing he’s coming back.”

“I could never do that,” he answers. A part of him never stopped believing she would come back either.

“Try to not get killed,” she says.

“I will do my best.”  
   
~+~  
They meet up when they can. Sometimes he stumbles upon her by chance, at the orphanage or in some dark alley he’s hiding in.  
She’s trying not to – he doesn’t know- get attached again. And somehow John knows that this isn’t what she had wanted.

“I wonder about him, you know?” she says.

“About what exactly?”

“Why he does what he does? He has everything. You and I do what we do because there is no other way, but he?”

“There is no other way for him either, Selina. He lost everything when his parents died. He lost himself when his parents were murdered.”  

“And now he’s stalking the shadows and punishing injustice,” she says and then softer, “If he’s still alive.”

He grabs her hand on impulse. “He must be,” he replies. “He must be.” Because John doesn’t know what he’ll do if he isn’t. John’s always believed in Batman, but he knows Batman can’t help them now, not in the mundane day-to-day routine of staying warm, staying alert, getting food. Grabbing whatever comfort they can. Holding Selina’s hand is what John needs now, so he takes it and she lets him.  
   
~+~  
John really doesn’t know how it starts, and if anyone knew about it he would probably lose his peoples’ trust.  
But no one except her can understand what he feels- being here, not knowing if Bruce is dead or worse.  
He knows Selina is feeling something for him too. For Bruce, for Batman. They are clutching at each other because there is no one else to turn to with this particular problem, feeling, whatever.  
The sex is always fast, desperate and dirty – not in a good way either – and the only comfort is her hot mouth leaving marks on his skin.  
Stolen moments, but not cheap. Cemented in reality that is worse than most people are aware of.

“If he’d ask me to run away with him, I probably would,” she says one evening throwing him an apple.

He catches it easily. He’s not too proud to take food from her. He needs to keep up his strength and she has enough.  
“Yeah,” John says. “And if he’d ask you to stay here?”

She looks at him. Hard. “I don’t know. I hate this city.”  
John nods. Sometimes he feels the same way.  
   
~+~  
“Blake,” Gordon says and waves him over.

John knows what’s coming. “Commissioner?”

“You’re playing a dangerous game, Blake – with that Kyle woman.”

“I don’t play any games,” John replies.

“What are you doing then?” Gordon asks. “Because she knows you, knows you are working for the resistance and she is-“ he makes a gesture that could mean anything, but boils down to: no good.

“Dangerous,” John supplies.

“That too,” Gordon says.  
John would love to tell Gordon to fuck off, because that’s not his business, but that wouldn’t be fair or true. Gordon tries to keep them all alive here and what John does is dangerous, but not in a way that could compromise the mission.

“She doesn’t give me information or try to get any out of me, we-“

“Have sex?” Gordon asks.

“Yes, and she keeps me sane,” John answers and realizes it’s true. She keeps him sane during the long hours of the night when he can think of her and knows she feels the same agony when her thoughts stray to Wayne. It helps knowing he is not alone.  
Gordon nods and changes the subject to more pressing matters.  
   
   
~Four~  
After. After everything-the bomb, the death of the Batman, the cheering still in his ears, she finds him in his old apartment. He’s spent days here walking through the rooms like a ghost. Picking up pieces of a life he isn’t sure he wants anymore, or should have had in the first place. Gordon would take him back any minute without a word, but John just isn’t sure he can go back to that.  
She slips in through the window and hugs him tight and he lets her.

“He’s not dead,” she whispers and he wants to laugh hysterically at her faith. “I’m not a big believer John. You know that. I like to know things for certain.” She loosens the hug and grabs his shoulder. Looks at him hard.

His eyes sting from the tears he refuses to cry. “You know he’s not dead then.”

She nods. “I know,” she looks away from his face and over the city.

“He asked you to run away with him, didn’t he?” he asks. It hurts. It hurts like hell, because John loves him, has always loved him. Has given him everything he could give him and Wayne chose her. But he can’t be angry at Kyle. She’s a thief alright, but she didn’t steal Wayne from him.

She nods, then shakes her head. “He calls it a vacation.”

“He doesn’t want to be Batman anymore.”

She looks at him then with a soft smile. “He doesn’t _need_ to be Batman anymore.”

John nods, stepping away from her. He doesn’t know what to say. Wayne is leaving, Kyle is leaving, and John, John is staying. And he has nothing. He lost Wayne. He is losing Kyle. He has no job and no money and no idea what to do with his fucking life. But that isn’t her concern or Wayne’s. It’s his own problem.    
“Say bye from me,” he replies.

“Run away with me John,” she says.

He looks at her. “Now?”

“Yes, now, John. Run away with me. With us. I know you love him. I know you fucked him.”

“You want to share?” he asks disbelieving. She isn’t one for that, but then she took him in, takes in strays from time to time.

“I want you to take my hand, take the money, and run,” she answers. There is a note of desperation in her voice.

“Wayne didn’t ask for this.”

“Wayne doesn’t know how to ask for things he really wants, John. You know that,” she replies.

It’s true. The first time they had sex it had been John who offered. It has always been John who pushed, pulled, and demanded. “He asked you to run away with him.”

“Because I am wrong for him. So wrong, John, but he knows he can’t corrupt me.”

John laughs. “He can’t corrupt me either. You did an alright job.” He grabs her hand. “I don’t have any money to grab,” he adds.

She grins. “Doesn’t matter. I can get us everything.”  
   
~+~  
John doesn’t know if Wayne is surprised to see him at the airport or not, but he doesn’t send John away, so John doesn’t dwell on it.    

“You said you need to get something very important,” Wayne says, amusement in his voice. “I thought about diamonds-“

“Well, they are a girl’s best friend,” she interrupts. “But what I’m taking with me is far more valuable.” 

“Yes,” Wayne replies and there is a note of possessives in his voice that makes John shiver and want to press up against Wayne’s hard body.

“We’re ready for take-off,” the pilot says in that moment.  
Wayne nods and they follow him.  
 

~Five~  
“You could’ve asked me to run away with you,” John says, his toes buried in the warm sand. They’re watching Selina swim with some kids, playing some kind of water-ball John is pretty sure the kids made up. It’s their third week in Italy and John still can’t believe he’s really here.

“I didn’t want you to run away with me,” Wayne replies.

“Oh…” he says. He doesn’t have the money to fly back to Gotham – but if Wayne wouldn’t want him here he would’ve said something at the airport, right?

“It doesn’t mean I’m not glad you are here. I-“ he stops and John can feel Bruce’s eyes on him. “I left you the cowl,” he says.

John’s eyes snap to his. “You did what?”

“I left you the cowl, the cave, the cars, the toys, money, an apartment in the city and Fox’s number,” Wayne answers.

“You left me your city,” John says.

“Yes, John. There was no one else I could have left it to. No one else I would want to leave it to,” Wayne replies.

“That’s why you didn’t ask me to run away with you, because you want me to take your place.”

“I can’t be Batman anymore,” Wayne says. “But the city needs someone to look out for her. Gotham needs a protector.”

“And you wanted to give me up for the greater good,” John finishes. So Wayne, so stupid. So…fuck, Batman of him.

“But Selina had other plans. She stole you away,” Wayne says and there is a smile in his voice and his eyes and John wants to kiss him, so he does.  
   
~+~  
John can’t stop thinking about it. He’s here with Wayne and Selina and he lives the life that- he isn’t sure, actually. He isn’t sure this is supposed to be his life.  
It’s not that he feels useless, it’s just that when Wayne pins him down he wants to know how to get out of his hold, how to be able to hear him coming, how to sidestep Selina and jump from a building. He wants, he realises, he wants to be Batman.Or a version of Batman that suits him.    
But there is no way he can be Batman here. It seems like the old world doesn’t need vigilantes as badly as the new one.  
He can’t be Batman here, because Batman belongs to Gotham. John - John doesn’t know where he belongs. Not yet.

~+~  
The problem might be, he thinks, that he’s still so young. He hasn’t done anything yet. Well, he’s done a few things, but compared to Batman, to Wayne, heck even to Selina, he hasn’t done much.

“You’re brooding and I can only stand so much brooding in my men,” Selina says handing him a mug of coffee. 

“I’m thinking. Deeply,” he replies.

“About what?”

“My life,” John admits.

“Are you regretting that you took my hand and ran?”

“No,” he says, because it’s not that. Not exactly. He could never regret coming here, being here with Selina and Bruce. The only two people who get him. 

“What is it then?” she wants to know. There’s impatience in her voice like she doesn’t really want to hear what he has to say.

“I think I want to go back,” he answers.

“Back to what?” she asks. “I’m here, Bruce’s here, the freaking money is here.”

“To Gotham.”

“You hate Gotham,” she replies hotly.

“ _You_  hate Gotham,” John says. “I kind of resent it from time to time, but she’s a bit like an abusive lover –“ 

“And you’re addicted to her touch,” Wayne finishes from the doorway to the kitchen.

“Yeah,” John says.

“You want to leave here,” she says.

“I want to feel useful,” John admits. “I don’t feel like I’ve done enough and I can’t just stop petty theft during my vacation from – life,” he settles on. “Gotham needs someone.”

“Why does it have to be you?” she asks. And she is angry now.

“You know why. Because I know the city, because I was raised and born there. Because I’ve seen death and love and life and she deserves someone who cares.”

“You’re leaving us for Gotham,” she states.

“No,” he replies, getting up to hug her. “No, I’m leaving for me. Don’t you think I deserve something that belongs to me?”

“I belong to you, Bruce belongs to you. _We_ belong to you!”

“But I need something to fix and you are perfect in any sense that counts, that is worth anything and everything to me.”

“But you’re still leaving,” she says, her voice hard.

“Selina-“ Bruce says.

“I know you understand this insanity, because you two are so fucking alike, but I don’t. I don’t care for anything except for that which belongs to me and you-“ she looks from Bruce to John and then Bruce again, “you belong to me.”

“Come back with me then,” John says.

“To do what?” she asks.

And he knows what she means. She has a life here- not long, granted, but it’s new and she doesn’t have to fight for it anymore, and she is not alone. And he shouldn’t have asked her to come with him. It wasn’t fair. John shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”

“I know you wanted this to work,” Bruce says.

John nods. “I did, I do, but it doesn’t work. I can’t stay. Not yet,” he replies.

“Oh god, how could he fuck you up so badly?” Selina asks and she is only looking at John now.

John shrugs. “He was my first everything – well, mostly, but I guess I was messed up from the start. You don’t fall for tall, dark vigilantes, everyone knows that doesn’t end well.” He smiles at Bruce as he says it and Bruce smiles back.

“I will drop in uninvited,” she says.

“You can drop in anytime,” John replies.

~+~  
John takes a deep breath and isn’t sure if he’s regretting it just a second later. Gotham air.  
But it’s home. He can feel Gotham in his bones, his heart matches the beat of her streets. Gotham is in his blood. Born and raised here, John thinks with a fond smile. He has a piece of paper with coordinates in his pocket – Wayne could’ve e-mailed it to John, but they’re both sentimental like that, and besides it’s safer this way. John’s going to burn it (possibly) in Mission Impossible style once he finds the cave.  
   
Gotham, he thinks, is like a shady lover: beautiful and deadly at the same time.  
And John is going to make her his. 


End file.
